Grunkle Stan's Guide To Anniversaries
by MiscellaneousSoup
Summary: As befitting my one-year anniversary of writing fanfiction, I have Grunkle Stan deliver his guide to celebrating random anniversaries. Read and review, if you please. Have an excellent day! (I also include a shout-out to everyone who has ever reviewed me.)


**A/N: On August 31st, 2013, a momentous event occurred. Was it the birth of a future great leader? Did important events take place? Who achieved a notable job or where did someone find an important historical document? Actually, none of those questions are accurate. It was the date of my very first fanfiction! I am very happy that people actually chose to read my piddling, odd tales. Thanks to everyone who chose to review my stories and those who didn't! More specifically, thank you to Akirys, DragonRider1842, The Raven Of Dark Moon Death, MASTER-OF-SURPRISE, Cap'in B, VINDEX, Lips Of Yarn, Jet Engine, all the shattered pieces, GravityFallsMD, TheFallingPenguin, derpy hooves, MyLittleMuffinZ, Guest, Mrs. Cipher, lalagirl16, The Design Nerd, gravityfallsgirl, Billcipher4, WendyCorduroy353, GravityFallsChick, titus935, ThisisDipperPines, Badboyy, Glitched User, Lioness Deity, The Word Nerd 424, carrie76, F-15 Strike Eagle, minie, theWolfiestWolfAlive, ,Valerie Faller, ****BeatrixG the MaskedDog****, otherrealmwriter, HopefulAngelOfMusic, Midnight Haze, DarkMousyRulezAll, Aoki Aoi, gravityfalls456, Jet Engine, a random surprise, Phantom Dennis, Indri08, RockSunner, utopianking, Axel Treehorn, trystrike, lofallenve, Animation101, CatherineHarris, MyLittleWandererOverGravityFalls, awesomenesshasar, Lilo-and-Isabelle, Ender Falls The Endermite, Guest, Mary Margaret, Marvel-Tolkien Fangirl, DaftPunch, Guest, GravityVanel14, melodyxbelle, kevincong, Dragonwing Writer, FrozenDaily, 9kz7, Kira Sema, and sirensbane. I have considered quitting many times, but all of you have helped me.**

**Now, what should I write for an anniversary? A guide to anniversaries seems appropriate! Read and review, if you please! As always, have an excellent day!**

**Grunkle Stan's Guide To Anniversaries!**

**By MiscellaneousSoup**

Anniversaries are always great! You can reflect on how you met someone or did something for the first time! Personally, my greatest anniversary was the day I met my ex-wife. So, in honor of that, I'm going to tell you exactly how to celebrate any marriage anniversary!

**1. Recreate the exact circumstances of how you met.**

I first met my wife while rummaging through a filthy dumpster. It's a long story, okay? It involves parakeets, ferrets, and rancid underwear. Anyway, I tore down half the house while she was at work. Then, I stole the dumpster from some pancake restaurant. As soon as she arrived, I hunkered down inside the decomposing fish corpses and said the very first thing that she ever heard me say. "I WILL FIND YOU UNTIL THE COLD HAND OF THE GRIM REAPER DRAGS ME INTO MY GRAVE! DO YOU HEAR ME, PAYCHECK?" Come to think of it, I don't know why she spoke to me in the first place. Needless to say, she divorced me immediately. Things weren't the greatest after that, but they got better. I rebuilt the other half and renovated everything into the Mystery Shack. After a few missteps, I found Soos and Wendy, then Dipper and Mabel arrived. My life has been decent ever since that.

**2. Throw a party!**

Now I may want to describe my, ahem, _expert_ party skills in another article, but I think that I can give a brief summary. After all, I _was _called a party king in high school! To make a proper party, you need party gear! I've described my brilliant chair-making skills in the past, but you probably didn't know that I can make almost anything! To make a party hat, for example, you need paper, crayons, string, and slivers of wood. You draw little colorful lines on the paper, then fold it into a cone. Next, you stab through it with the slivers. It'll keep the hat together. Finally, you get string or some similar object and make a knot through the hat. It goes around your neck, making it less likely to fall off. Just don't substitute a wire for the string. I tried and once and it led to me learning how to make coffins.

Next, you need to make decorations. I recommend glitter. Mabel seems to like it and it makes things shiny. Plus, if you put it in food, it makes the stuff look fancier. Just plop some gruel down on the table, your ungrateful relatives will whine. With glitter, it looks magical and exotic! Don't believe me? Try it yourself! My lawyer has advised me to say that if you choke on the glitter, I am legally responsible or something like that. I'm not taking this part out, Herman!

So, you got a shiny house with little things flying everywhere and decorative hats to make things look nice. Great! What's the final ingredient? Marketing, marketing, marketing! Go up to everyone and scream right in their faces, "Hey, you! I'm having a party and you're invited! Go to the Mystery Shack or be destined to suffer through loneliness!" Make fliers and nail them everywhere! Other people's houses, cars, stores, offices, and other fliers! Don't have enough paper? Hey, if you're like me, then you have at least one hundred parking tickets that can easily be turned into advertising magic!

**3. Use sky-writing to make some kind of personal message, whether it's to your spouse or about a job.**

Yeah, I tried this. I hired one of my old college buddies, Jimmy McMorfin, to write a message about the Shack. It would say something along the lines of "One Year, Much Fortune, Two Fatalities." Unfortunately, Jimmy wasn't the most professional sky-writer. He would eat food while flying and usually spell out insults to me. I don't know why he would do that. It's mean. Come to think of it, he might not have been my friend after all. Someone put a dead skunk in my locker with a note reading, "Hey, Stanford! Eat this, nerd! -J". Hey, wait a minute!

**4. If it's for a show or book, try to include references to past adventures and tie up loose ends.**

Actually, I've never done this one. Soos just told me about it one day. He's apparently been writing a series of stories called "Moos and Stunkle Gran: Cop Warriors." Moos, this chunky fixer-upper kinda guy, always wanted to have Stunkle Gran be his father. It was hinted at throughout the series, and at the end, he finally confessed it. Stunkle adopted him and it ended happily. I have no idea why he wanted me to read that sappy garbage.

**Well, I'm Grunkle Stan! I hope you enjoyed this list. I highly recommend you take my advice! Have a great day, kids! Kids are reading this, right? **


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